Race through the Canyon
Myth by Ethan Jones
1-13-07
Diomedes stood overlooking the fields of Baghdad, breathing heavily as sweat fell from his brow. Before him stretched fields of the dead and dying, their cries permeating the dark night sky. American soldiers raised their guns to the heavens, chanting Diomedes name. His prowess in battle would mark him as a hero for the rest of his life, but he was done with battle. Diomedes resolved that he would find a wife and raise a family, safely withdrawn from the death and destruction of war.
He flew home to Sedona, Arizona and began his quest, but he could not find a woman that suited him. Many women fell deeply in love with Diomedes strength and reputation, but none truly loved Diomedes for who he was. Diomedes hiked into the Arizona canyons, trying to clear his mind of his failures at love when he saw a woman in the distance. Her beauty was so pristine and her heart so pure that Diomedes fell in love instantly. He raced towards the woman and took her by the arm. “My dearest beauty, bless me with the knowledge of your name so that I might ask for your hand in marriage!”
The woman wasn’t shocked, for this had happened to her many times before. “Diomedes, I have heard of your prowess in battle and for this reason I shall give you my name. I am Atalanta.” Diomedes immediately dropped to his knee and proposed marriage to the young Atalanta, but she refused. “If you are to marry me Diomedes, you must first prove that your worthy. You must race me to the end of this canyon, and if you beat me I will accept your offer of marriage.” Diomedes looked into the distance, searching for the end of the canyon, but he couldn’t see it. He figured that he had to try, so he agreed to race her to the end of the canyon. She counted down from three. Three, two, one, GO! They raced off the line sprinting into the distance. Diomedes took an early lead, and eventually he pulled out of sight of Atalanta.
Diomedes began to slow down as the heat and thirst started eating away at his strength. Atalanta was nowhere in sight, so Diomedes stopped to get a drink at the lazy river that meandered through the canyon. Taken by the serenity and beauty of the river, he barely noticed the gentle patter of Atalanta as she sprinted past him. He sprang from the river bank and struggled to catch up with her. Upon reaching her side, he noticed that she did not have a bead of sweat on her face. Her beautiful figure wasn’t fatigued in any way. An hour passed by, and then two. Diomedes struggled against his thirst but still began to slow his pace, falling behind Atalanta. The end of the canyon still could not be seen on the horizon, and Diomedes realized he was outmatched.
“Are you ready to give up yet,” exclaimed Atalanta. There was not a single sign of fatigue in her voice and her pace remained steady. Diomedes was beyond any physical exertion that he had ever experienced, but he could not give up the love of his life. He pumped harder, taking his place at Atalanta’s side once again. She looked at him with concerned eyes, realizing that no suitor had ever made it this far into the canyon without giving up and returning home. Diomedes gasped for air, struggling to stay on his feet. The hot air burned his lungs with every breath, and he could feel that the skin had rubbed off the bottoms of his feet. Diomedes succumbed to the heat and fell to the sandy ground, watching his love disappear into the distance. He died in the sand, having given everything for his chance at love.
Atalanta returned to his body and wept. He had proven that he was worthy of her love, and yet it took death to prove as much. She carried the body of her true love into a nearby cave and buried him. Atalanta prayed to the Gods that he never be forgotten as long as humanity survived, and the Gods obliged. Every living animal on earth began to feel their eyelids drop. Dogs curled up under trees while birds returned to their nests. The world fell into a deep sleep to remember Diomedes eternal sleep in the name of true love. This is why all living beings sleep every day. It is in remembrance of Diomedes sacrifice for true love.
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3 comments:
Ethan--
I really like your myth. Like the one I wrote, it definitely feels like a traditional myth and has a touch of antiquity. In particular, I liked the settings present in your myth, starting out with Baghdad, and then moving to Arizona and eventually into the mountains. It really gives your reader a way to imagine where the characters are and where their actions are taking place. I also thought your plotline was excellent, as it definitely kept me riveted throughout. I thought you did a great job of making the reader emotionally involved in your story and its characters, as I was very saddened by the end of the story.
However, although I liked the setting being in Baghdad at the beginning, I felt like this was not as important to the story as I expected it to be. This first setting gives it the modern-day element, but after he returns to Arizona, it only becomes a distant memory. Perhaps this is something you wanted to have happen, but for me, I wanted to hear more about Baghdad and its true effect on Diomedes. Also, there were a couple instances in which the writing seemed a little colloquial or out of place. For instance you write, "She counted down from three. Three, two, one, GO!" and "but he could not give up the love of his life." For me, these phrases seemed a little out of place and/or jarring. Lastly, it was difficult for me to imagine that no one on earth had slept before Diomedes died, since the myth does take place in a modern-day situation. However, it is a myth, and these sorts of details are not technically supposed to matter, as the myth is only a representation of an explanation of how something came to be. All in all, good work! It was a fun read, even though the ending was so sad!
-Katie
Ethan-
I really loved your myth. I wouldn’t change a thing about it. As a reader, I felt very entertained and followed the story so easily because of the good organization of the plot. I thought you did a great job of mixing modern elements with elements of epic mythology. The originality is something that really enhanced my enjoyment of the story. I loved this idea that we pay a regular tribute to the fallen Diomedes when we slumber at night. Like I said in the class discussion, it didn’t bother me about the fact that we wake up and Diomedes never will wake up. I didn’t make this type of parallel, or at least in a way that created a sort of discrepancy. At times I thought the dialogue between Atalanta and Diomedes might be too cheesy or cliché, but I negated my own thoughts by rethinking my perspective: this is how the gods and goddesses spoke to each other in a tone of love. I think the more sensational the dialogue and plot is, the more the story emulates a Greek myth. Job well done.
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