Sunday, January 7, 2007

Invisible Cities Assignment 2

Deception
I walked due north of Guajira for two days into the frigid north until I reached Iscalda, the city of perceptions. From afar Iscalda seemed a diamond that I could reach out and pull from the horizon, but as I approach I realize that Iscalda was made entirely of ice. There are no plants in Iscalda, and for that matter there is no green. Iscalda is merely an icy glimmer in the sunlight. Guards stand on the inside of the city walls, peering at me through the icy haze as I approach from the south. In fact, I can see all of the inhabitants of Iscalda with one general glance, peering through the layers of icy walls that protect Iscalda from the elements. Women bathe in hot springs that arise in their gardens while children play games in the streets. Men search tirelessly for something that they have lost, but can not find. The city is melting, and young men stand on ladders attempting to reshape the melted and rounded edges of buildings to their original ninety degree perfection. The city moves together, as one.
I addressed one of the men who was searching for his lost treasure, but he didn’t respond. No one responds to outsiders in Iscalda as you can never see anyone but through a sheet of ice, fueling the myth that there is not a society in Iscalda, but rather a single family. The images of men searching for their belongings is not one hundred men, but rather one who is reflected by the ice and sunlight. The beautiful women bathing in the hot springs are merely one. No one has ever found the true inhabitants of Iscalda, and my search was unsuccessful as well. The truth will someday be brought forth, for Iscalda is melting, and the people will no longer be able to hide in their frozen aquatic realm. Their secret and adventurous lives will be made known to the world. As of now, the people of Iscalda remain hidden in their cities depths.

Abyss
The city of Underma greets travelers with its plentitude of lights, seen from 100 miles in every direction. Beautiful women line the streets beckoning men to fulfill their every desire, for a small fee of course. Sports of various kinds occur at all times of the day and night, and many bet their fortunes on a single turn. Blood sports draw the largest crowds, and grand arena’s that seat over 100,000 people fill their stands every night. Expensive drinks become addictive at their mere sight, and men and women alike fall under their greedy spell. Many explorers find this to be their final destination, but not by choice. The beautiful women who line the streets were once explorers, as well as the bartenders and the ticket salesman. The men who fight to the death in the battle arenas were once explorers. Underma is an unjust city, a city where life is not happy. Explorer’s lose their fortunes and are forced to work to serve other explorer’s, but no one ever escapes. The city seems happy and fun to those outside its walls. They see the lights, and the games, and the parties, but those inside do not see the lights. They live in the perpetual darkness which they created through their own desires. The inhabitants of Underma look out across the desolate desert which surrounds their city without hope, for few who indulge in the wonders of this terrible city ever escapes. It stands as a black hole which lets many in, but few out.
I was one of the lucky few who did not fall under the spell of Underma. I was not tempted by the desires of man, but I was lucky. I have desires of another sort, for I travel to seek new distant lands, whereas those explorer’s stuck in Underma sought different desires. We all fall victim to our desires, and Underma is the final resting place for those victim’s, caught in a whirlpool that will never let them free. Underma is not a city, but rather an abyss.

Simplicity
Jurimia lies at a latitude of 45 degrees north by 45 degrees west on a modern globe, spreading out 2 miles in every direction from this point. This circle, with a diameter of 4 miles exactly, is encircled by a wall that stands 9 feet 4 inches high at every point. Jurimia’s central point is located at the top of a hill, and upon this point stands a statue of a sphere, perfectly symmetrical. The building surround this statue at perfect intervals, allowing for streets that lie 30 feet across. Buildings all utilize the strength of arches, the half circle, in their architecture, and for this reason there has been no restoration of Jurimia for quite some time. As one person dies another is born, maintaining a stable population of 1 million. Every family is assigned a duty within society, and this duty is carried out at an exact time to maintain order. There is no need for currency due to this assignment of duties, for Jurimia is at full employment, and therefore everyone takes care of one another. Every century there is one holiday on the 45th day of the 45th year, where the people of Jurimia make a pilgrimage to pay tribute to the perfection of the sphere by gathering at the center of the city. Here they praise the perfection of the sphere, which serves as a guideline for their entire past, present, and future. They live upon a sphere, in a city that is a sphere, given life by the sun which is a sphere, and guided by the light of the moon sphere at night. Every aspect of their life is guided by these rules, and its precise patterns.
I arrived in the city and was not allowed entrance until neither the sun nor moon was visible in the sky, so as not to offend its perfection. I wasn’t served by anyone in the city, and was not even recognized outside of a few fearful glances. The strength of their society was in it’s perfection, and outsiders risked the downfall of the entire culture. The moon never denied the eyes of a beholder, and following in the footsteps of the moon the people of Jurimia do not deny entrance to anyone. The people in Jurimia have an indivisible existence.

NO THEME
The ocean waves lap at the western waterfront of Colusteen, the city of jazz. The waves are not as you would remember any waves though, for they crash to a beat. Large bass waves falls in a steady rhythm while smaller waves crash all around the base wave, producing the snare and the symbols. The percussion of the ocean is only matched in it’s beat by the strumming of high voltage wires by an incessant wind that has no known origin. The North side of Colusteen is the most educated and wealthy of these parts, producing with its daily activities the sweet sounds of the saxophones. The South side is only accessible by trains, and as these trains slide along their well oiled tracks the train horns blow sounding just as would a trombone. The Eastside sounds the sweet melody of the trumpets as the people work in factories that buzz notes from their smokestacks. Downtown is filled with the melodic voices of people singing to the happy songs bursting from their wonderful city. Life is renewed with each bar that reverberates from the heart of Colusteen. However as new people like myself enter the city, we change the rate at which the music plays with our emotions. The city gauges the happiness of the people who enter by slowing the music for those who are sad, or speeding up for those who are happy. This is a judgment which no one can avoid if they are to enter this wonderful city. Every person affects the whole sound of the city, and if too many sad people enter the city, the music will become so slow that no one will hear it ever again. I did not enter the city, for I couldn’t bare to face what is truly the song within my heart. But in the distance you can hear the sweet melody that echoes from the heart of Colusteen.

1 comment:

Makyia said...

Deception
I felt your descriptions of Iscalda very much represented the theme of deception. The sentence that I felt was the strongest in representing the theme of deception is: “The images of men searching for their belongings is not one hundred men, but rather one who is reflected by the ice and sunlight.” This whole idea is an interesting one. You are describing the city through the illustration of a mirage – you see hundreds of men, but there really is only one. This is interesting, because Iscalda is made of ice. The imagery provided is very white and cold, which is juxtaposed against the traditional imagery associated with mirages (desert and heat). Ironically, though, not *all* of the imagery provided is meant to illustrate coldness. Iscalda may be an “icy glimmer”, but that glimmer is due to the “sunlight”. This juxtaposition even further more enhances the theme of deception.

You have demonstrated to the reader that the theme of Iscalda is deception through your descriptions, which is very good. But you also used words really similar to the word, deception, and just flat out say what Iscalda is like. For example, near the beginning you say that Iscalda is “city of perceptions”. In descriptive writing such as this you need to show, not tell. You have done an adequate job at showing, but the statements like this one are overkill and unnecessary.

Abyss
What is interesting about this piece is that the theme of succumbing to one’s desires and the negative effects of the lack of self-control (although this is not the theme that you chose before writing this piece). This is a universal theme – something that any reader could relate to. One of the sentences that epitomizes this the most is: “Expensive drinks become addictive at their mere sight, and men and women alike fall under their greedy spell.” This is very effective, because you take a simple feeling like desire, something that everyone feels and can relate to, but illustrate it as something ugly and selfish (specifically with the use of the word “greedy”).

In the last paragraph the word “desire” is repeated too much. Repetition can be effective, but in this case, it just sounds awkward and accidental. You might consider rephrasing the sentences or changing the word here and there. Also, in the last sentence, like in the first city, you make a statement that is too “tell-y” and not “showy”. “Underma is not a city, but rather an abyss.” You show the reader this throughout your piece, so there is no reason to just plainly tell the reader, because it can counter-act the effectiveness of your descriptions. The piece would be much stronger if you took the last sentence out completely and ended with the powerful image: “caught in a whirlpool that will never let them free.”

Simplicity
In the middle of this piece there is a lot or repetition of the word “sphere”. I felt that this device enhanced the poetic flow of the piece. I think it was also effective in illustrating many themes threaded throughout this piece. One of the themes that specifically comes to mind is the theme of perfection. In the middle of this piece the sphere is meant to describe the moon and sun – which instigates the thought and image of celestial or solar perfection. This kind of portrayal of the city is original and effective, because it is further illustrated more literally in the following paragraph when it is explained that outsiders have to be careful and enter the city at the *perfect* time.

I am not completely convinced that the theme, simplicity, is effectively demonstrated throughout the entire piece. Certain parts of the story, even the allusions to the spherical celestial bodies, make some sense when you condense them to their mere shape – the circle. But the specifics of the city, described at the beginning of the piece, contradicts the theme of simplicity, because the descriptions actually make the city sound complex. I don’t think that this is necessarily a bad thing though, because you can start writing with one thing in mind and end up with something better, which I think is the case here.

No theme
The sentence: “I did not enter the city, for I couldn’t bare to face what is truly the song within my heart,” is the most interesting and telling part of this piece. It comes as a surprise to the reader, because in the beginning of the story the focus is on the city itself, but this sentence is about the speaker. It almost catches the reader off guard, because of how telling it is. It is a good way to end the piece, because through the speaker’s example, the reader thinks about her/his own song and can imagine the city and its mood.

The only suggestion I have for this story is that since it is essentially about music and music terms are even used to describe the imagery of the city I feel like the style of writing should be more musical – rhythmic, poetic. The use of repetition like in your second story would be very effective in this piece. Alliteration would also be effective.
~Makyia Hoyt