Frankie rose slowly out of bed as a grimace spread across his face. His shoulder was bothering him again, but he had to go to work. He showered and headed for the kitchen where Julie, his wife, was making breakfast. “Is Junior awake yet?” Frankie asked with a saddened expression. Julie gave no answer, continuing to crack eggs into a sizzling pan. He peaked into the living room where he saw Junior drooling on the arm of the couch. “I think it’s time that I taught him how to run the shop.” Julie looked at Frankie and nodded. “We can discuss it over dinner tonight.” Frankie took some aspirin and ate his eggs before heading to the butcher shop. The day went by slowly and the aspirin wore off about noon, leaving Frankie in pain.
When he got home that night, Junior had woken up and was eating dinner. Frankie sat down and sighed. “Tomorrow I think you should come to work with me. I think it’s time you started learning the business.” Julie added that, “it would be great to keep the business in the family.” They all discussed it over dinner until Junior had run out of excuses. It was decided that Junior was going to learn the business.
The next morning Frankie woke with a start. His shoulder hurt again, but he was excited to be passing on his legacy to Junior. Junior had woken up too, but he seemed a little less enthusiastic. After a filling breakfast, Julie wished her son luck at work. Frankie kissed her on the cheek and they were off. On the car ride over Frankie spoke energetically about the different kinds of meat and the ways to cut them. Junior nodded every few sentences, but didn’t say much.
They got to the shop and Frankie began to run through all of the different chores that were necessary to maintain a healthy environment. Junior’s first task was to mop the floors. Frankie showed him how he was supposed to mop the floors in sections going one direction, and then another. He mopped a small section in the crisscross pattern that he had explained, and then handed the mop over to Junior. “I’ll be in the back, so come get me when you’re done.”
He started out mopping in sections just as his dad had showed him. Back and forth. Back and forth. The monotony of the job sent his mind spinning in all directions. He was sailing on the salty sea, and then wading through waist high waters in the Amazon. The mop kept moving back and forth, back and forth. An hour later Frankie emerged from the back to see how Junior was doing. He had mopped one section of the floor, and was leaning on the mop with his eyes closed. “Junior!” Frankie yelled. Junior was so startled that he slipped on the mop and fell to the floor. “Why haven’t you mopped! We have to open in 15 minutes and the floors aren’t done.” Frankie grabbed Junior’s hand and helped him to his feet. “The floors are just going to have to be dirty today. I need your help in the back.”
Junior waddled behind his father into the back of the shop. Sitting on the table were all different kinds of meat, none of which Junior recognized. Frankie walked over to the meat slicing machine and asked Junior for a ham. Junior grabbed a red piece of something that flopped as he walked over to give it to Frankie. “This is cow’s tongue. I said ham. Weren’t you listening in the car this morning?” Junior walked over to the table and tried again. The truth is that Junior hadn’t been listening and had no idea which meat his dad was asking for. He grabbed a lighter colored slab of meat and presented it to his father. Frankie took the meat and set it back down on the table. He grabbed another slab saying, “This is ham. Can’t you stay focused for one minute?” Junior looked at the ground, unable to meet his dad’s eyes. He heard his dad slicing the meat in the background. After he had finished, Frankie said, “Why don’t you just go home and come back when you are ready to concentrate.”
On the way home, Junior thought about what his dad had said. He didn’t want to disappoint his parents, but this was about more than that. He figured that if he didn’t start focusing on his life, he might as well never had had one. He was determined to stop getting lost in his own thoughts and actually work hard for once. He turned around and walked back to the shop. His father was somewhere in the back, so Junior grabbed the mop and began to vigorously scrub the floors. He did it in sections, first in one direction and then the other. When he finished the floors shined like new.
Then he set to studying the charts on the walls that explained the different cuts of meat. He learned the difference between ham and filet mignon. He learned which parts of a chicken are the most tender and which parts of a turkey comprise of dark meat. He studied the many different cuts of a cow and lamb until he could look at the meat in the window and name all the different types.
Finally he went into the back where his dad was sitting with his head in his hands. He grabbed a slab of ham and began to slice it just as he had seen his dad slice it. “What are you doing?” Frankie asked. Junior grabbed a slice of ham and gave it to his father. “I am slicing the rear posterior section of a ham into quarter inch slices so as to keep the meat tender and easy to use,” exclaimed Junior. Then he grabbed a turkey and began to carve it, explaining everything he was doing to his dad. Frankie was so impressed at the change in Junior’s mindset that he set to work alongside him. They worked the entire day next to each other, and Junior didn’t make one mistake. He stayed focused and professional for hours on end.
That night when they were closing up shop Frankie handed the keys to Junior. “You have proven to me that you are ready to run your shop.” Junior accepted the keys from his father and locked the front door.
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2 comments:
I think the butcher shop theme fits well with Italy; I can see one from my window. I think the overall story idea is pretty common, (trying to please your parents and live your own life) so it was neat to see it in an uncommon setting. I think you portrayed the working class lifestyle fairly well, and did a good job of setting the context.
I didn’t see the action points, though, or at least not three progressing ones. The dialogue was a little stilted in parts and you left some questions unanswered. Why did Frankie’s shoulder always hurt? Was there some back story to Junior, or was this the only time he’s been a slacker? Just on a personal note: learn the names for cuts and types meat if you want to write about them. It threw me out of the story to have to stop and think about which cut you meant.
Ethan,
I think I'm supposed to critique your other story but you have 3 comments there vs 1 here, so you get another comment here.
There are a few instances in which you told rather than showed. I think that you could have shown how Julie was his wife, rather than told it. But I do like the imagery of Julie not answering Frankie and "continuing to crack eggs". Perhaps you also could have shown how Junior was less enthusiastic about continuing work, rather than telling that as well. Maybe in his emotional state or facial expressions…
Overall the piece is kind of cliché and predictable. But! There were no grammatical or spelling mistakes that I could see, and it followed the fable format well.
I think the ending feels a little rushed and there are several ends that didn’t get tied up by the story completion. For example: why is Frankie's hurting shoulder significant? Why was Junior drooling? Why does he seem mentally retarded, or at least extremely ADhD and then suddenly get better and be able to focus and concentrate?
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